While driving, I was thinking about the insane number of people who die from the use of guns they keep in their house—for protection. Many of the names in the song have a relationship to their weapon; for example, “Peter” is from the Latin root of “rock.”
Walter has a Walther
Loaded in his night stand
Judy got a gom jabbar
Hidden in her wedding band
Hector puts his faith in God
And Taser-voltage cattle prods
Patty keeps pepper spray
Handy till the seventh date
Zoey’s charged heavy rents
Caged behind electric fence
Cain and Mabel spar kung fu
To put the hurt on you know who
CHORUS
I’m walkin’
Walkin’ on a freeway
Dodgin’ bullets big as Buicks
Between blue sky and a hard place
I don’t get
Any kind of leeway
Please save a place for me
In your zone of security
I’m what’s shakin’ in the breakdown lane
Lisa keeps a pit bull
Leland has a rottweiler
Audrey plays a victim role
FBI on auto dialer
Khan expects attack from
The horde
And swings a cane that’s filled with sword
Evelyn, always terse
Has a snake inside her purse
Dorian rows a boat
Every night across a moat
Peter simply packs a rock
You never know whose head he’ll knock
CHORUS
There’s nothing to fear
But fear itself
And all the fearful people
Who will save them from themselves?
Dirk says a steel toed
Boot is for the smart gents
Lilly keeps a knife in hers
“Always dress for self defense”
Everyone admire Dee’s chest
Snug behind a Kevlar vest
Leather gloves with metal studs
Fedora pin to ward off sin
A suitcase full of rat race and some
Mace to cook a human face
Certainly we’d be less rude
If everyone were safely nude
CHORUS
© 2006 Jim Hayes