Cartoons


Nut Trees

I really like nut trees but I don't like nuts on my lawn

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2019
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Wool

sheep shepherd musical tap dance sunrise sunset Howard

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2015
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Old Pete

Old pete rides herd on a ream of xeroxen

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2014
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Blind Mice

three blind mice cockroaches

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2014
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30

30--that magical crossroads of the years when gray hair and pimples meet

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2014
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Sewers

two more reasons not to flush those baby rhinos alligators in the sewers

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2014
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Always Remember

Twice last week I forgot about 9/11.

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2014
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Battle of Wits

The young dolt would be Smegman. Seems he was disarmed in a battle of wits back in aught-six

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2014
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Second Best

Second best parent ever

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2014
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Born Again

Oh gee no sir with modern medical techniques being born again should cause your mother only mild discomfort door-to-door tract preacher

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2014
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Italian Food

God italian food parasites eighth day maria

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2014
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Alien Elvis Cat

alien ninety 90 year old babies ninety elvis dave seville middle east mideast dwarves

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2014
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Nocturnal Emission

Wallace is devasted as he catches his car in the act of having nocturnal emissions.

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2014
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Woo!

Ladies: when flashing your breasts this Mardi Gras, using the right vowel sound is critical!

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2014
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Liberating the House Plants

Doorman: Not to worry, madam, it's just Kibbleman in 5-B liberating the house plants.

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2014
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Curse of Illiteracy

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2014
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Gumbo Island

Perseverance and clever disguises pay off for Dr. Buttle high on Gumbo Island. Tortoises turtle

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2014
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Look Better Naked

Look better naked. Boron's gym. Really ugly clothes

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2014
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Bit of the Hare

Captain Hutch! A Clue! It's a bit of the hare that dogged him! police crime scene

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2014
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Alchemist

Newland Putty, a dazed alchemist, attains his life's dream when he turns common bread into mold.

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2013
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76 Trombones

Saint Peter. Muslim terrorist suicide bomber. 72 virgins. Garbled information or not, I'm constantly amazed by what people will do for 76 trombones.

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2013
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Vanilla

Palindrome 5. Were we all in a vanilla ewer? Ew!

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2013
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Motown

I really don't see Motown knocking down our door until we find a keyboard player with a little soul. vampire rock band.

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2013
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Travel Robe

Travel bathrobe. New from Spongecraft. Thick and sexy. Robe made of sponge.

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2013
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Cowed

Tough luck, Benson, but this organization has no room for men so easily cowed.

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2013
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Steak & Cauliflower

Steak? And cauliflower? Again? desert island

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2013
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Sweater

I have SO graduated from V-necks. W-necked sweater.

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2013
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Socks

Whoa! That's a match, Hank! Back it goes!

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2013
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Illegally Blind

There's poor Mr. Macklerath. He's been in there dodging the cops ever since he was declared illegally blind.

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2013
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Mental Blocks

It's naptime, Jennifer! You're not playing with daddy's mental blocks, are you?

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2013
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Frisky

See that house, Frisky? That one there? Well, stay away from it, you hear? They eat cows! Can you believe it?

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2013
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Eve’s Laundry

Adam and Eve. Let me get this straight. Knowledge leads to shame, which leads to clothes, which leads to laundry—my god, we've cursed all humanity with laundry.

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2013
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Moving Day

Moving day refrigerator fridge eat bees hand truck pianos

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2013
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Hebrew-Jebrews

I don't know, Sid. Something about this kid gives me the Hebrew-jebrews.

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2013
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Dork Lard

It may intrigue you to learn that I am, in fact, a dork lard.

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2013
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Plate In My Head

Oh, I was in the war, boy. The big one! How the hell do you think I got this plate in my head?

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2013
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Shake Well

Contents may settle. Shake well before using.

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2013
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Skin

I am a man possessed by your largest organ. Carlo thought that saying the word "skin would make him seem creepy.

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2013
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Resolution

Ha! That's another new year's resolution down the tubes!

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2013
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Penguin Pox

I'm terribly sorry, Mr. Gubbis, but the tests are positive. You have penguin pox. I recommend you start wearing bow ties.

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2013
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Hambush!

Fall back, men! Retreat! Good god, boys, it's a ambush!

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2013
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Born in a Barn

It's about time you got home! What do you think, I live to wait for you? You know where that brief case goes. What were you, born in a barn? Jesus and nagging wife.

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2013
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Big Cow

Am I to take it, then, that the proper response to “More, more, my big bull!” is NOT “Yes, yes, my big cow!”?

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2013
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Reserved

Desert island with reserved sign

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2013
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Morning Grooming

It was the meticulous morning grooming of Clive's butt hair that added a jaunty confidence to his day.

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2013
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Franklin’s Bunny

1784: Benjamin Franklin Moves to have lady bits officially referred to as "the bunny."

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2013
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Barking Lot

Barking Lot

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2013
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Ham-Stir

I believe we've discovered why the stir-fried pork isn't selling. First of all, who decided to call it ham-stir?

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2013
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Miracle of Birth Control

The Miracle of birth control. Sperm, foolishly pausing to play on diaphragm, soon tire and die.

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2013
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Peepeeteepee

You need to go out back, to the peepeeteepee. indian tipi teepee

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2013
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Massage

Palindrome. What did you do all day? Pure pot. Massage vagina. An' I gave gas, sam. Top 'er up!

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2013
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Yes Men

No man's land yes man's land

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2013
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Marbled

Nicely marbled, huh, Sam? Grocery meat counter

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2013
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The Closet

See there, you big silly? No monsters hiding in that closet!

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2013
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A Gavel

agave, a gavel. Like justice, this coffee is bitter. The L of using the wrong sweetener.

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2013
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Open Heart

medical doctor open heart surgery

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2013
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Chickenwire Panties

popular lingerie. chickenwire panties

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2013
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Fly Down

Hey, Petey, you're fly's down.

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2013
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Banana Nacho

palindrome 3: oh, can ana nab a banana nacho?

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2013
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The Fridge

There damn well be something in here besides hamburger. Monster in fridge.

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2012
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Know About Art

art gallery. I do know about art but I don't know what i like.

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2012
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Barrelful of Monkeys

barrel full barrelful of monkeys. Did we leave the lid off the barrel again? cartoon by Jim Hayes

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2012
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Cattle Wrustlers

Cartoon by Jim Hayes. Cattle wrustlers (wrestlers)

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2012
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Adipose Rex

Oedipus adipose rex dinosaur psychiatrist fat

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2012
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George Lucas

Never give a grenade to George Lucas. Star Wars cartoon by Jim Hayes

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2012
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Cabbage Patch

Today's special: corned beef and cabbage patch. Twisted humor by Jim Hayes

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2012
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Titanic

Palindrome #2: Titanic in a tit. Odd humor by Jim Hayes

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2012
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Realtor

Quickly, Lavina. Call our realtor. Rats moving in with exercise wheel. Bizarre cartoon.

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2012
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Fetch!

He wouldn't chase sticks, so I switched to gerbils. Sick humor

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2012
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George

Rule #1 of monkey ownership: don't name it "Curious." Obedient George. Literary humor by Jim Hayes

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2012
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Garbage Dogs

Well, they're home. Say, isn't it your turn to look guilty? Dogs eating garbage.

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2012
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Molotov Cocktail

People who live in wooden houses shouldn't throw Molotov cocktails, eh, Ed? strange cartoon by Jim Hayes

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2012
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Giraffe

Waiter! There appears to be a giraffe in madame's soup. Waiter! Remember how the previous bowl had a fly in it?

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2012
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Piano Rectal

The night a printer's error changed the world of classical music, forever. Piano rectal. Bizarre cartoon, Jim Hayes

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2012
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Hang Loose

Hang loose and prosper Spock's new greeting. Star Trek Cartoon and shirt art by Jim Hayes

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2012
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Love, Zinnia

Dear Sid, I ran off with the hot dog vendor. I have the kids, the house and the silver. Bizarre humor.Love, Zinnia.

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2012
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Piranha

And just how was your father supposed to know you drained the aquarium and put your piranha in the toilet? Offbeat cartoon by Jim Hayes

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2012
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Squid Ripple

A rhubarb meringue for the lady, I'll have the bleu cheese cake, and three squid ripples for the fruit of Edna's loins.

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2012
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Fish Sticks

What do you mean, this little piggy built his house out of fishsticks? Fairy tale Jim Hayes

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2012
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Vargaret

Hi! I'm Margaret! Folks call me Madge! I'm Vargaret. Folks call me. . . Vargaret. Risque humor by Jim Hayes

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2012
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Emu

But I'm an Emu, you dolts! Not an ostrich, an emu! E-M-U! Ostriches don't wear ties! is there an ornithologist in the house? Avian humor by Jim Hayes

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2012
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Sponge

Known for its slavish loyalty, the pet sponge is that best friend you've always wanted. But if you use it for texturing walls or washing your fancy bits, it'll turn on you like a piranha with heat rash.

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2012
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A Mix

Palindrome #1: a mix, a man, an' a Maxima. Cartoon

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2012
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Bang! Stab!

Cowboy and musketeer. Bang. Stab.

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2012
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Attilla

Quick, Madge! Hide the kids and whoopie cushions! Attilla the Fun and his rogues are back! Bizarre humor by Jim Hayes

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2012
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Threek

Fork. Threek. Linguistic humor by Jim Hayes

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2012
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Kerwin

Lovely, Kerwin. You're a regular Da Vinci. Now will you take out the garbage, or would you rather invent anatomy and the helicopter?

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2012
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Rustling

Rustling paper in the old west.

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2012
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Employee of the Month

Timmy's lemonade. Employee of the month: Timmy

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2012
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Watertight

"Count me out, guys. You know I'm not watertight. Bizarre comic by Jim Hayes

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2012
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Neigh

"Let us neigh." Equine humor by Jim Hayes

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2012
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Wet T-shirt

Wet t-shirt contest

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2012
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Champagne

"No pleasure compares with a bath of champagne. It awakens the senses, tickles the nose. It pampers the skin and opens the pores. And no one can tell when I fart." scatological humor cartoon.

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2012
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Grandma’s Pie

"Yahoo! It's our favorite! Grandma's baseball and weenie pie!" Americana humor by Jim Hayes

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2012
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Mutton Button

One outie, two innies, and a mutton button. Bizarre cartoon by Jim Hayes

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2012
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Carrion Luggage

"I'm sorry, sir, but carrion luggage must be stowed beneath the seat in front of you." Sick humor cartoon

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2012
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Lesion

"The beret indicates it's a French foreign lesion." quirky comic by Jim Hayes

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2012
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Grudge

"It's called a grudge. Want to hold it?"

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2012
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Rudeness

Courtesy phone. Rudeness phone.

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2012
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Bertha Venus

Birth of Venus. Bertha Venus

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2012
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