I don’t know how. So leave me alone.
After decades of using Quark Xpress, I find myself alone, the last survivor of the nuclear holocaust of the Page Layout Wars. Are there ever victors in nuclear war? No. Well, except World War II; we seem to have planted a flag or two and 700 McDonald’s in Japan at the end of that foray. And Adobe seems to have come out smelling like a Pantone 032 Red rose after this Armageddon, too.
But I like to look at this like a love story, albeit one between a thug and a bitch. It’s the Romeo and Juliet story of the graphic arts. The flashy-but-difficult-to-understand Adobe Illustrator is looking to expand his kingdom, and who should come along but the lovely Quark. Oh, she does so many things so well. When she dances, she Steps and Repeats. Glyphs adorn her like typograhic jewels. Even when all she provides is Runaround, it all seems worth it. She’s known to treat all those who worship her powers with scorn, but she’s the only woman on earth, so what can you do?
Illustrator, whose logo is Boticelli’s Venus, but has tired of her, wastes no time wooing Quark: he simply takes her, absorbing her genetic knowlege, and nine months later, gives birth to their bastard child, InDesign, with no thought at all about how he’s not the one with the womb in this metaphor.
So now, I’m forced to waltz with Miss Indy for some projects. She has so many of her mother’s features to complement her father’s palettes, but still I struggle up this learning curve with dull pitons. I will remain true to you, Quark, but you must allow me this little fling with your illegitimate daughter, and I promise I’ll use a latex keyboard cover.